Reawakening My Heart's Desire For Adventure

And letting God initiate me into manhood

Image made by Stefano Ganddini using beta.dreamstudio.ai

When was the last time you did something that scared you?

When was the last time you did something outside of your comfort zone?

When was the last time you did something… adventurous?

I recently realized that it’d been way too long since the last time I’d done something adventurous, which made me sad because I used to live for adventure.

I often describe my 20’s as my “era of rebellion” and during that time I experienced all types of crazy adventures.

As someone who had always identified as a shy, awkward, introverted kid in high school, I was determined to take advantage of college as an opportunity for a fresh start, to break out of my shell, and to re-invent myself. At first, my focus was primarily on overcoming my social anxiety and improving my social skills, but eventually, I began to lean into my fears in all other areas of my life as well.

Naturally, in my efforts to re-invent myself, I stumbled into self-help and over the coming years I became a huge self-help junkie. I was determined to conquer my fears and unlock my fullest potential. “Feel the fear and do it anyway” quickly became one of my favorite mottos.

I started with doing comfort zone challenges and doing little things like taking cold showers and talking to strangers, but this eventually led to much bigger things like going sky-diving and buying a one-way ticket to Bali.

I now have my contentions with a lot of secular self-help, but during those years, I cannot deny that I experienced an insane amount of growth.

Sometimes I can barely recognize the person I was in high school. I don’t say this with any shame of the high school version of me, but simply as an acknowledgment of how much growth I’ve experienced since then. It’s honestly a bit mind-boggling when I really think about it.

Meet super shy Stefano, circa 2009 (my junior year high school yearbook picture)

However, earlier this year I started to realize that ever since I made the conscious decision to give my life to Jesus Christ (after being saved by Him during the darkest time of my life)—which was by far the best decision I’ve ever made in my life…

I also made the decision that my years of adventure were now over.

I had decided that giving my life to Jesus somehow meant that my life could no longer be an adventure. That those days were behind me. That I needed to “grow up” and “get my life together” and start taking life really seriously now.

Now, to be clear, for many years I was not only living adventurously, but I was also living recklessly.

It didn’t happen all at once, but slowly, over time, I continued to push the limits not only of my potential, but also of my morals. This is why I call it my “era of rebellion”—because I (unknowingly) gave in to the spirit of the enemy, which is the spirit of rebellion.

I’m not proud to admit this, but for many years I rebelled against my Catholic-Christian upbringing and I gave in to the desires of my lower nature. Like many young people who go off to college and move out of their parents house for the first time, I felt that I was finally free to do as I pleased.

I was your classic case of the good Catholic boy let loose. And let loose I did…

I fully indulged in drugs, alcohol, and women, and without even realizing it, I became a hedonist.

Part of my issue with secular self-help is that it’s often a “gateway drug” into New Age spirituality. It was almost inevitable that my obsession with self-help eventually led me into the New Age/New Thought movement.

A couple years after graduating from college, I was deceived by the false light of New Age spirituality which convinced me that there was no such thing as right and wrong, that everything was subjective, and, ultimately, that I was my own God.

Thus, my self-help obsession led me into the self-obsessed New Age philosophy and feeling as good as I could possibly feel became my primary aim in life.

This led me down a very dark path.

Fortunately, Jesus Christ saved me from that darkness and I now recognize that this pseudo-spiritual, pleasure-seeking hedonism disgused as “spirituality” was extremely harmful not only to myself, but also to others.

I’ve since repented of this sinful past and re-committed myself to the narrow path, the Christian path (and more specifically, the Catholic-Christian path), which is a sober-minded and other-oriented spirituality.

As mentioned, this has been the best decision of my life, by far.

However, I now recognize that there is a difference between living adventurously and living recklessly. And that giving my life to Jesus does not mean my life can no longer be an adventure.

If anything, giving my life to Jesus should be the greatest adventure I’ve ever embarked on.

The Adventure Of Living With Christ

Life with Christ is not meant to be boring.

How can it be? When we surrender our lives to Him, He gives us new life.

And yet, it was only until very recently that I realized that because I was still feeling so ashamed of my past mistakes and failures, I was deathly afraid to fail again.

Even though God had forgiven me… I still hadn’t forgiven myself.

Thankfully, as I shared in last week’s post, I now see how silly it was that any part of me was still feeling any shame or regret for my past failures since they were the best things that ever happened to me.

This realization has healed a part of my heart I’d lost and reawakened my desire for adventure.

While I certainly want to avoid making the same reckless mistakes I’ve made in the past, I’ve come to realize that the desire for adventure is a core desire—and a good desire—that’s deeply written into my heart.

I’m currently reading a fantastic book called Wild at Heart by John Eldredge and in this book Eldredge argues that there are three core desires that are written into the heart of every man, one of which is the desire for adventure.

Eldredge says,

“Adventure is written into the heart of a man. And it’s not just about having ‘fun.’ Adventure requires something of us, puts us to the test. Though we may fear the test, at the same time we yearn to be tested, to discover that we have what it takes… If a man has lost this desire, says he doesn’t want it, that’s only because he doesn’t know he has what it takes, believes that he will fail the test. And so he decides it’s better not to try.”

Ouch.

Sometimes the truth stings, but it’s the only thing that will set us free.

When I first read these words from Eldredge, I knew he was right, and I felt like he was speaking directly to me.

Ever since I’d given my life to Christ, I’d been living in fear. I was so ashamed of my past mistakes, and so afraid to fail yet again, that I shut down this part of my heart that yearns for adventure.

I no longer believed that I had what it takes. I’d convinced myself that I was a failure. And so I decided it was better not to try anymore.

But deep down, I knew this was not true. Deep down, I could not deny that I still yearned to be tested, to re-discover that I did have what it takes.

As Eldredge talks about later in the book, I knew that the only way I was going to reawaken and heal this part of my heart was if I invited God into these wounds and allowed Him to initiate me into the man He created me to be.

And so that’s what I did.

Accepting The Call To Adventure

A few weeks ago, my aunt invited me to visit her in Boise, Idaho where she started living for part of the year every year, for the last few years, for her work.

I’d never been to Idaho, nor had I ever really had any prior desire to go to Idaho, but for some reason I felt some excitement around her invitation. I told her in all sincerity that I’d love to visit her in Idaho, but unfortunately, I didn’t have the finances for a trip right now.

A few days later, she messaged me and once again extended the invitation for me to go visit her in Idaho.

At this point, I felt like God was getting my attention and so I brought it prayer and ultimately decided, “Okay God, if this is an adventure you want me to go on right now, make a way, and I will do it…”

Long story short, a few days later I had some unexpected money suddenly become available that I had sitting in another account, for a purpose which was no longer needed. Before I knew it, I had a two-week trip to Boise, Idaho booked and on my calendar.

I purchased my flight and thought to myself with a smile,

“Alright God, let’s do this.”

My intentions for this trip were:

1. For healing. To spend some time in solitude, in nature and connecting with God—allowing Him to heal the parts of my heart in need of healing.

2. For adventure. To let God initiate me into the man He created me to be and to rediscover that I do have what it takes when I’m put to the test.

3. For clarity. To gain some clarity and confidence about the direction for this next chapter of my life.

As I’m writing this, I’m currently sitting at the dining table at my aunt’s house in Boise, Idaho, and I’m very grateful to say that each of these intentions have been fulfilled.

I still have three more days here (and perhaps one more adventure day, we shall see…), but even if my trip ended today, I’d be more than satisfied.

This trip has already been such a huge blessing and God has certainly been breathing new life into me.

I have to give a major shout out of appreciation to my aunt, not only for inviting me out here in the first place, but also for gifting me an epic whitewater rafting adventure, which proved to be a powerful and memorable experience I’ll never forget.

As mentioned, one of my intentions for this trip was to go on an adventure and to let God initiate me. But I had no idea what that was going to look like, and I had no plans when I came out here to go whitewater rafting.

It wasn’t until five days into the trip, when my aunt told me she wanted to gift me this experience, at which point I recognized—this was it. This was the adventure, the challenge, the test that I knew I had to take. This was the reason why I came out here.

And so I gratefully accepted her gift, and immediately, the adventure began…

Starting with an important decision I needed to make:

Do I sign up for the Class III or the Class IV rapids?¹

At first, I thought I was just going to do the Class III rapids, which I’d done once before on the American River in Northern California… about 12 years ago.

My first impulse was to play it safe and stick to the Class III rapids.

But then I remembered the decision I made many years ago, the decision I shared in my last post—which was that I can live with failure, but what I can’t live with is regret.

I knew that if I didn’t do the Class IV rapids, if I played it safe and did the Class III rapids, if I did what I already knew I could do instead of challenging myself to do something more difficult…

I’d regret it.

So, I signed up for the Class IV rapids.

And to be honest, I was very nervous about it.

I really didn’t want my group’s raft to get flipped over, mainly because I didn’t want to get injured. I’ve already had a number of injuries in my life, and the last thing I wanted was to end up with another one.

For a moment, I started to wonder if I was making another reckless decision, but after some thought and prayer, I realized that I wasn’t. This was a very safe, highly-rated company (5-stars with hundreds of reviews), and I knew I would have an experienced instructor guiding my group on the raft.

I’d be fine.

Now if I were just jumping into some whitewater on my own, with no one else, with no instructor, while drunk… then yes, that would certainly be a reckless and stupid decision.

But this was not that.

This was a challenge that I needed to reawaken my masculine heart.

What I Learned From My Whitewater Rafting Adventure

First off, I noticed something interesting happened right after I signed up for the whitewater rapids…

I immediately felt an excitement and a motivation I hadn’t felt in a long time.

I suddenly had something to look forward to, and I immediately began to do everything I could to prepare for it. Both mentally and physically. Granted, I only had a few days to do so, but even still, I felt a surge of energy and an excitement to train for my upcoming “test.”

Despite the nervousness (which I also learned a long time ago that the sensations of nervousness and excitement are actually the same feeling, it’s just a matter of how we choose to label those feelings), I felt a new life coming over me.

The next thing that happened was that I ran into a minor obstacle—I realized that I didn’t have any contacts with me on this trip, which meant I’d have to wear my glasses.

At first, this started to make me question if maybe I shouldn’t do the whitewater rafting at all, but I quickly realized how foolish this was and I decided that I was not going to let this stop me. Instead, I started to do some research and figured out how I could do everything that was in my control to make this as much of a non-issue as possible. I ended up buying straps, clip-on sunglasses (these didn’t end up working out, but at least I tried), and anti-fog spray for my glasses.

Last but not least, as the big day approached, I prayed for the best but prepared for the worst. While I prayed for God’s protection over my whitewater rafting experience, I also mentally prepared for the worst-case scenario. Which, in my mind, was the raft getting flipped over. I repeatedly imagined this scenario playing out in my head, and then imagined how I would react. I imagined myself remaining calm and navigating myself out of the situation injury-free.

This was a very important step because as much as I wanted to avoid that scenario, I knew that there was a very real possibility that it could happen. But if it did, I needed to know that I would be okay. I needed to know that I didn’t need to be afraid of it happening.

And so when the day came, I was ready.

I had done everything in my power to be as prepared as I possibly could be, and then I surrendered the rest to God. I prayed for myself, for my group, for my instructor, and for everyone else who would be on the river that day. I knew that I had God’s protection and I fully put my trust in Him.

And you want to know the most interesting thing about this whole experience?

When it was all said and done, after it was all over, and thanks be to God, after everything went smoothly and our raft didn’t get flipped over…

One of my first thoughts was, “That was it?”

It’s kind of funny to think about, now that I’m taking the time to write about this whole experience, because it led me to a profound realization that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

And that realization is this:

Things often aren’t as hard as we think they are going to be… if we do them with God.

The key learning here is that last part.

With God, we are truly capable of infinitely more than we could ever imagine.

Now, this is not to say that the rapids were not intense, or that there weren’t some parts of the river that were scary.

They definitely were…

Exhibit A: Here’s a photo of my group’s raft quite literally completely submerged under water… Class IV rapids are no joke!

Thanks to bearvalleyrafting.com for the epic adventure and photo

However, because I had done everything in my power to prepare for this adventure and surrendered the rest to God, I knew that I had nothing to be afraid of.

I put my full trust not in myself, but in God.

And knowing that God was with me, gave me access to a new type of power that I don’t know that I’ve ever accessed before.

Not an egotistical, self-centered type of power… but a humble, other-centered type of power.

A type of power that reminds me that yes, I do have what it takes to become the man God created me to be, to fulfill God’s plans for my life, and to be a strong and courageous man who lives for others…

Not because I am so great, but because I was made in His image.

And because with Him, I can do all things.

More specifically, with Him, I can do good things.

And so now, I’m excited to find out…

What Will The Next Adventure Be?

After successfully completing the Class IV rapids, I feel a new sense of strength, confidence, and accomplishment that I’m excited to carry with me into this next chapter of my life.

I’m excited to see what adventure God calls me to next.

And most of all, I’m excited to leave behind my fears and to step into this new freedom in Christ.

After living most of my life blinded by my pride, and then living the last couple years of my life blinded by my shame, I’m finally starting to know what it truly means to live free…

As a beloved son of God, I know that my worth does not come from my achievements nor from my failures.

This gives me the freedom and the confidence to take on new challenges, without fear of failure.

Wherever God leads me from here, whatever challenges I’m faced with, whatever scary or hard things I must overcome in the future…

I know that I have what it takes.

And perhaps more importantly, whether I succeed or I fail, I know that I will still always be a beloved son of God…

Thanks be to God!

But what about you…

What adventure is God calling you to in your life right now?

What challenge or test is being presented to you in your life right now?

And most importantly, are you willing to let God initiate you into the man (or woman) He created you to be?

Let me know in the comments below.

Your next adventure awaits you…

Verse Of The Day

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13

Related Articles

If you enjoyed this post, you might also like these other articles:

1. How To Bounce Back From Failure

2. The Antidote To Discouragement (A Poem)

3. A Message of Hope

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1. Whitewater rapids are ranked on a scale from Class I to Class VI, with Class I being the easiest and Class VI being unnavigable.