Something I’ve learned over the last decade of my life—from talking to hundreds if not thousands of people about their deepest struggles and desires in life—is that everyone is suffering.
Most people do a good job at masking their suffering.
Numbing it.
Avoiding it.
Pretending it’s not there.
But I repeat, everyone is suffering… in one way or another.
Suffering is an inevitable part of the human experience.
It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from.
It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor.
It doesn’t matter if you’re healthy or unhealthy.
Everyone is suffering.
Like I’ve said before, life is hard, and there’s no way around it.
No one gets a free pass.
Of course, there are varying degrees of suffering, and some people are given much larger crosses to carry in this lifetime than others.
But as the old saying goes,
“Don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes.”
It’s so easy to make snap judgments about another person.
The problem with this type of judgment, however, is that it lacks understanding. It lacks empathy. It lacks compassion.
And without understanding, empathy, or compassion, the inevitable suffering of this world only becomes magnified…
An inability to have compassion for another person’s suffering only creates more suffering.
On the other hand, the more understanding, empathy, and compassion we can cultivate toward other people’s suffering, the more healing and hope we can bring into this world.
We Are All Wounded
The way I see it, we really only have two options in this life.
We can choose to be a wounded healer, or we can choose to be a wounded wounder.
There’s no escaping the wounding in this life.
The only question is, what are you going to do with your wounding?
Are you going to let it make you cold-hearted, bitter, angry, and resentful?
Or are you going to let it expand your capacity for understanding, empathy, and compassion?
Those are our options.
As a Christian, I believe I’m called to do the latter.
Am I perfect at it? Definitely not.
Do I fail at times? More often than I’d like to admit.
But I’m trying.
And no matter how many times I may fail, every day is a new day, a new opportunity to begin again.
To try again.
To remember that everyone is either currently going through something, has gone through something, or will go through something.
Something very, very difficult.
And more often than not, the hurt that others cause us is not intentional and not personal.
If we can see this, if we can be ever-aware of this, then we can choose to respond back not with more hurt, but with Grace.
When It Hurts, Choose Grace
Being kind to another when they’re suffering in an obvious and non-threatening way is usually easy and natural.
But being kind to another when they’re taking their suffering out on you? When they’re being mean and unkind to you? When they’re being rude, selfish, or aggressive toward you?
For most of us, these are the moments when being kind is the last thing we want to do.
Now of course, if someone is being physically aggressive and endangering your physical safety, that’s different and that’s not what I’m talking about here.
What I’m talking about is when someone acts out of their woundedness in an unconscious way, and says or does something that comes from a spirit of darkness.
It’s usually easier to see this, and to not take it personally, when we see it happening in a stranger.
At least for me, I’m often unbothered by the rudeness or the selfishness of a stranger, probably because I know that it has nothing to do with me. I usually say a quick prayer for them, asking that God may bless them, and I carry on with my day unaffected by their behavior.
But when it’s someone close to me? Say, a loved one, like a parent or a significant other?
That’s when I really get tested.
That’s when I really have to rely on the Grace of God to help me choose to respond with Grace.
It’s not easy, but then again, what’s the other option?
Anger, resentment, bitterness?
More suffering?
More wounding?
No thank you.
When it hurts, I choose Grace.
I forgive, I let it go, and I move on.
Easier said than done, but it’s the only way forward.
Because in a world where everyone is suffering… Everyone is also in desperate need of Grace.
God only knows, I’m no exception.
So, my two pleas to you today:
Be kind… to everyone. And,
Choose Grace, even when—and especially when—it hurts.
Oh, and one last thing.
When I say everyone… that includes yourself.
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Joe South- Walk a mile in my shoes.
Love the call to be a "wounded healer". Thanks for sharing this.